i am
slowly
slowly
slowly
circling
drowning
in this stress
that i have created.
and i dont know
what the fuck
i am going to do

so instead of doing what i should
i slack off
and disappoint myself
my parents
my family
everyone

but i feel better when im not in school
maybe next year i will take off
just work
because i want to learn
but i want to live
and
spending huge sums
arent helping
because im not doing shit

so
i write this
instead of writing about
vietnam
war literature
the war front coming home

am i slowly drowning
yes
i am
circling
the
fucking
drain

because i cant
do school
i fucking cant.

i want to
but somehow.
this shit aint workin

i just want
to have a job
make money
then sit in a golf cart
drink beer
and be rambunctious

ahhh
sweet
disdaining
failure
it burns
my eyes
my ears
my nose

my life is just starting
but i just
want
to be somewhere else

but then
what if somewhere
is just like here
and i just dream of other places?

i just sit and stare at the faces of people passing
in another place
and think the same things?

what kind of life is that
what kind of life is this?

and so
i circle
and drown
and spin
and fail.

fuck

its too loud
its too early
i am too tired

i love you
too much.

i cant wait to see you
so much
too much
i miss you too much

and i cant believe
you had sex with her
she said it was terrible.

but i dont care
i still love you
too much.

oh monday

oh monday
you have so much potential
but really
you are just the begining
of something that is going to be useless to me

i hate classes
i hate that this room
smells like a fucking barn

because you are disgusting
yes i am messy

but i take my trash out
i dont let dishes sit for months.

you are disgusting.

and it is only mother fucking monday

oh monday
fuck you