the hardest thing.

saying goodbye to the boy I love isnt nearly as hard as seeing him shake his head with his bloodshot eyes
saying I love you only to see tears.
The smell of cigarettes and beer.

Nothing.
My fucking heart is breaking.

nothing should be this hard.

Fuck fuck fuck.
just no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no.

fuck
this is the hardest thing

Portland?

you make me
smile like the biggest dork
laugh
grab my head
wear sunglasses at 1am
I am going to miss you so much.
I love you, you know it.
You are making this so hard...

beer breath

I have never been more sincere than
when I leaned in to hug you and
the car started to roll as
you said "I love you" and
I said it back because
I have known you for most of my life and
I do love you.
With my entire fucking heart.

Saying goodbye wouldn't be so hard
if I didnt love you.

This

This
is my life
This
is not a sleepover
I can not go into the kitchen
pick up the phone and
call my mother to
come pick me up because
This
is my life now
I live here and
I am trying to be an adult so
the fact that I hate where I am and
what I have become I
have to stick it out because
This
is real but I
wish I could just walk into the kitchen and
call my mom and
she would pick me up and
tell me everything is going to be ok
This
is my life