expectations

please
tell me that you
didnt just ask me
to move there because
i would
In a heartbeat
and that isn't good.

"We need to find you a man friend"
she says
I laugh and say
"I KNOW RIGHT!"
because I do.
I know.
I want one.
but
It is much harder than you think.

our friends are so in love
and it is so strange to me
to think
"What if they make it? what if they do get married?"
so strange.
but so possible.

Being alone
and growing up
are hard.
But they need to happen.
so please
dont tell me
to move there
because I cant
you know that
I love you more than anyone else
and that needs to stop.
because I know you don't feel the same way.
I need to see you again.
to let you hold me.
So I can know if this is real.
but I know it's not

I am not that pretty
I am so average.
You are so not average.

There are just too many expectations
That I dont know.