hmm interesting.

I can't take it
this feeling in my chest
like a hand is squeezing my heart and
thrusting it up into my throat.
this fucking anxiety.

I don't know how
to justify anything I do anymore.
why I hate this place,
why I don't like going to school here.

I am scared
of the future...
of loosing touch.

I feel like I need a doctor
just so I can get some fucking pills because
I want to be numb
I want to be falsely happy

I want to not feel like
I am going to vomit my heart up
in one big heave
for me to catch in my hands
red
raw
pulsing.
still pumping my blood.

at least I would be able to see,
how I am alive.