I thought...

The other day i wrote an epic post
it managed to fit all of my feelings into one
better than in anyway i had tried before
it took me an hour to do

i should have been working on my climate change paper
but that has no meaning

i remember as i sat in the library
the section that looks like an old spanish church and harvard had a child.
the sanctity of that section
is like a church

no one speaks
just the sound of the old chairs creeking
and every once and a while some one turns a page
or takes a sip of a drink too loudly

i had to sit there
sit and try to concentrate.
but i couldnt
i still cant
i remember because it was last night

i was fighting the urge to sob
to cry uncontrollably in that holy place

as i sat i sipped
the mint tea from satellite
and i had to fight the urge to scream
and cry
and just break down

but i did
i spent most of the night curled up
sobbing.

that is what college has done to me
i have always been depressed
as long as i can remember.

i have been away from home
i dont think i am homesick

i am just miserable
the utter confusion of being here
is scrambling my fucking brains

i cant focus
my stomach is constantly churning

for 2 weeks now
i feel like crap
i feel like i am going to die

i dont know what to do
i dont sleep
i dont think
i just sit
and fight the urge to cry

and i had written something wonderful
but i guess i never posted it.
and i didnt save it

and i guess i just thought
i could be happy
i could find my way
i could feel safe and warm

but i dont i guess it was all just a thought