you are pretty worthless

i must say
the things we say
the things we do

we started with pick up lines
then went on to weather
i do not want to be a booty call
so when you texted me
saying you wanted me to talk dirty to you
to fucking tell you dirty things
send you pics

i panicked
i cant be like that
i dont like you

i panicked
i told you i was dating one of my best friends
the one that is like a brother

not because i want to be with him
but because i dont want to be in a dirty situation with you

as much as i hate to admit it i am quite innocent
quite old fashioned

i am the kind of person that just wants someone to snuggle
i am the person that watches south park on friday nights instead of going out.

i am the person who thinks one night stands arent a good way to boost your ego.

i am the person that is desperate
but not so desperate as to tell you about having to clean myself up after a one night stand
in vain hopes that i can get with you.

i am the girl that is never wanted.
never needed
and i have sadly become accustomed to it.

so i will sit here
watch tv
sew my buttons back on my coat
fix my bra
and wallow

in self hate
in the fact that i have no idea where my life is going

in the fact that i am jealous of someone i shouldnt be jealous of.

in the fact that i am completely in love with someone i can never ever have.
someone that i can hold hands with and watch spongebob
someone that thinks me and my cat are precious
even though she smells
and her coat isnt what it used to be

someone who will say the strangest things
and not realize it
but im pretty sure he does.

and here i am.
rambling
about things i can never have.
things i will never get
because i know
KNOW
that you dont feel the same way.

but oh well.

there are few people that i feel are worthless
but there are a few
a certain few
that are.

this is for you
you worthless mother fuckers

because somehow in my sad way i know i still have dignity
i still have my mind
and my innocence.

but deep down
i am worthless